


who am I to say

by ruined



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruined/pseuds/ruined
Summary: Sometimes, Lisa thinks she loves Dean.





	

**Author's Note:**

> tbh I don't know what this is. 
> 
> I'm drunk and bitter and wrote this in ten minutes, so apologies if it doesn't make any sense.

* * *

Sometimes, Lisa thinks she loves Dean.

She thinks it when she's standing in the kitchen, watching Ben and Dean through the window. They're fixing up the car again, Ben standing on his stool, and she catches his pleased grin when Dean ruffles his hair. Her breath catches in her throat, and it's the first time she can see a future with Dean.

* * *

 

The next time she thinks it, they're in bed. Dean has his head on her chest, one arm around her waist, and she can feel it's still shaking, feel the damp patch on her shirt from his tears. She kisses his forehead, holds him as tight as she can.

"It'll be okay," she whispers. "You're with me. Me and Ben. You'll be okay."

The words are half a lie: Dean is not okay, and she doesn't think he ever will be, not completely, at least. But then, there, in that moment, Lisa would do anything to give him some peace.

* * *

****

 

Dean is kissing his way up her stomach.

She's still trying to catch her breath by the time he reaches her lips, but still, she kisses him with everything she has.

Lisa has had her fair share of lovers.

Lovers.

Maybe that's the wrong word. It suggests intimacy; implies a relationship, a bond between two people that Lisa had never felt before.

Before Dean.

Lisa has had her fair share of hook ups.

Encounters with men, and a few women, but no one has made her feel as good as Dean does. Has took the time and made the effort to learn her body, and all the things that make her shake, hands twisting in the sheets and ask for more, harder, there-

The words get stuck in her throat, and for a moment she thinks she can say them.

But she doesn't.

Lisa won't live long enough to understand all the broken layers that make Dean who he is, but she knows enough, so Lisa stays quiet, kisses Dean and hopes he hears them anyway.

* * *

 

Sometimes, Lisa thinks Dean loves her back.

Dean has a good poker face, but Lisa can read him in a way no one else can.

(Dean loves and hates it, she knows, and Lisa is slowly learning when to call Dean out on his bullshit, and when to leave it alone.)

She catches how they soften sometimes, how his head tilts to the side just so, and the twitch of his lips.

She locks their eyes, and she knows he understands.

He doesn't say the words, and neither does she, but they're a family.

* * *

* * *

 

Lisa wakes up, and her head hurts.

She's in hospital, and Ben is holding her hand. A car accident. There's a man standing at the door, the one who hit them.

There's a pain in his eyes that she doesn't understand, as he talks to them. There's a double meaning to his words, but she can't figure out why.

The man leaves, and Lisa turns to Ben.

She forgets.


End file.
